Thursday, February 11, 2010

Melt down


Had kind of a melt down about two weeks ago. See, I had two small heart attacks the end of December and the beginning of January.

This spread is a bunch of photos taken with the little Zumi camera I had in my purse while in the hospital.

I'm OK, but now on drugs that cost over $300.00 dollars every month. Made me feel kind of weird and dizzy too, the first few weeks I was taking them. There's a blood thinner that makes every pin prick bleed for an hour.

At first I was in shock. This couldn't be happening to me! I have been walking almost every morning since the birth of my second child, 34 years ago. I have been on a low fat, no meat, low salt diet for years and years since it seemed like the healthiest and sanest thing to do. grrrr

A week after I came home I got sick with a cold. Am still coughing now! Fevers still coming and going. Rats!
This is pissin' me off. This is the anger stage. Then I got sad. Now I am used to the idea. All stages of grief for the official loss of my youth. grrr.

Guess I shouldn't be surprised. My mom died of a second heart attack when she was only 60 years old.

And you know what, she died on the same date that I had my second one. January 3rd. How weird is that?

Sure do wish we had health insurance. But, maybe it's a wash. If we could pay $2000.00 a month for the basic plan we could qualify for, it would have been $24,000.00 a year. By the time we get the bill for this fiasco, with the cost of E.R. care, in patient time, blood tests, a bill from an ambulance company for transfering me to a hospital that has a cardiac cath lab, and individual physician charges, I bet it will all add up to about that.

This sucks. But, I am over it now. I am glad to still be here to have this worry. I see beauty everywhere as I always do and now am even happier I have had more time to enjoy it.

6 comments:

Megan Hoover said...

YOU POOR THING!! Oh my gosh...I had no idea you were going through all of this. I'm so sorry, but also glad you made it through! Keep "arting" as it feeds your soul. Paint throught your feelings...it may help.

bluegiraffe said...

Adrian-
I'm so, so sorry about what you're going through! What a scary experience that must be. May your strong and healthy attitude, and the caring of those around you, carry you through. Take care,
Sherry

Megan Hoover said...

I started to write you earlier but I must not have hit send. Just thought you should know I'm so sorry about your health issues. It's something everyone takes for granted from time to time -- myself included. If you don't have your health, it makes everything so difficult. I'm glad you're pushing through and that you MADE IT!! I hope you'll feel well enough to continue creating! You're so good at it! Big hug--hope you are ok!

Diane said...

Oh, Adrian, I had no idea--I'm so sorry. My father passed away at 59 from a heart attack, so I've been trying to take care of myself, but not as good as you--it's scary. I hope things keep getting better for you--remember-- Art Saves!! Unbelievable about the medical expenses!!

Awakening said...

Oh my gosh. I just sent loving positive thoughts your way. I am in shock too with how healthy your life style is. Thank you for posting so you can be in my thoughts.

Adrian said...

Thank you all for your kind and loving thoughts. I'm doing well these days and am feeling more normal all the time. Making art and sewing skirts is fun to do again! Yeah!